I’m tired, stressed and pissed off. I haven’t slept more than 4 hours a night in the last week and a half. I’m waking up every morning feeling like death warmed over.

Work isn’t helping. Every day I go in to deal with clients who can’t get their shit together enough to tell me everything that they need for their show. Or, they ring to make a meeting with me, and then don’t answer their phones or the messages that I leave when I try to return their calls.

The office staff still ring me at 8am on my days off. They apologise first, and then ask me questions that they should already know the answers to, leaving me wondering why I even bother.

I feel like I want to stand in the centre of the foyer at the theatre and scream obscenities. Not at anything specific, just a long list of expletives that could be applied to any of the issues that I have to deal with on any given day.

I took the day off today, because if I turned up to work I think I would have lost it completely. For the first time in 2 years, I couldn’t face going in to do my job today. I love my job, I really do. I love doing sound, I love making an event come together without a hitch. But I couldn’t face it.

All day I have been watching my Scrubs DVD’s. That show is almost always guaranteed to cheer me up. Today it just reminded me that I am alone. Ever heard the saying that you feel “alone in a crowd”? That’s me right now. Work isn’t enough to fill the gaps. It doesn’t matter how many people I see on a daily basis. I miss having true conversations about real subjects instead of mindless smalltalk or work.