I have been extremely negligent. The blog has been ignored. My friends who read my ramblings have been left in the dark (although I don’t delude myself into thinking that any of you have truly missed me).

So, here goes, time to catch up in one giant post designed to bring you all up to speed on all things me.

The last post had me going to a party wondering if I was growing up. Based on my efforts at that party it would seem my mantra of “Grow old, never grow up” still holds true. I drank too much, flirted a lot, and woke up the next day with a hangover that could strangle a horse. And I had a great time. No regrets, no dramas, just flat out semi-wholesome fun. I don’t want to grow up because I think I can enjoy life and be responsible at the same time. Just because I get drunk occasionally, act like an idiot at times, and do things that most “Mature” people would be disgusted by, doesn’t mean that I’m immature, just that I refuse to follow the imposed norms of society just to fit in to my age group.

At work I am still the “Acting” Technical Manager. My holidays have refreshed my joy of the job and I’m down to business again. January and February were quiet but we start getting hectic again in March at which point you can probably expect any blogs that occur to be rambling gibberish. So, not much will change on that front

In more recent news, I went speed dating. It was a singles day at the races being sponsored by Blink Dating. It was a somewhat strange experience to be confronted with a new person every 3 minutes and having to not only present your best attributes but discover as much as you could about the other person at the same time. It would probably be easier if you were actually on speed just to cope with the rate of conversation.

The end result for me for the day was two different women competing for my attention (a wholly new and interesting experience for me, I must say). Unfortunately I also discovered the minefield that multiple women in the same room can create. I had already been collared by one when the other woman (gee, that sounds like an affair. Not my intent but it’s the only way I can describe it) told me that she was very interested in me and I should ditch Jade to be with her, Natalie.

This is where things started to go wrong. I was brought up in such a way that turning to Jade, who had already competed and at that point won my attention, and telling her that I was interested in Natalie was not an option. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings and couldn’t at that time say where it was going. At the same time my brain, ok not my brain but you get the idea, was saying “You can have your cake and eat it too”. Alcohol will do that to you.

So, I get Natalie’s phone number and for some reason invited her to hang out with my friends, Jade and myself. I have no idea how I could have thought that it was a good idea to suggest that. I was drinking, Jade was very vocal about how into me she was, and so was Natalie. My brain (my actual brain this time) was in no state to even begin the deadly game of dating roulette in which I was now engaged. I took every chance to make them both feel they were getting my attention equally if not solely. One girls trip to the toilet gave me the chance to put in solid time, a run to the bar gave me time to sort my head out and plan my next move. It was like a blindfolded race across a minefield without a map wearing clown shoes.

I thought it was all going passably until we decided that it was time to go to a different pub. Both Jade and Natalie wanted to come, and I still thought that it was a good idea. The whole group of us got up to look for a taxi and then Jade kissed me. Without thinking I returned the kiss and the proverbial shit hit the fan. Natalie saw the whole thing. I could see in her eyes that I had broken the one rule I have always tried not to break, “Do not hurt a woman in any way”.

There is no other way to put it, I was a cunt. I felt bad at the time and now I feel worse than I could ever imagine. I don’t think I intentionally went out of my way to mislead either of them, but I did, and that is unforgivable. Now I don’t know where to go from here. They both have attributes that attract me, they are both great people, but no matter which way I go, one of them will be hurt.

For any of the guys out there reading this, don’t ever do what I did. For the women reading this, I’ve learned my lesson, and I know that what I did cannot be excused. Hell, even my explanation doesn’t really cut it. Feel free to give me a virtual slap, and if you feel like it, I’ll give you my home address so you can deliver it in person. I deserve it.